Real Talk.

Let's be honest, I'm struggling. I'm very much in an "I hate everything about my body" funk lately and today I realized why. 

I'm not working out because I'm not motivated.

I'm not motivated because I'm not working out.

It's that simple. 

The longer I go between workouts, the longer I feel like I can go. And the more often I eat crap instead of making healthy food choices, the more often I allow myself to cheat. The cycle is horrifically vicious, and the battle is particularly rough because, in all reality, I'm waging war against myself. 

You see, I want to be healthy. I want to be thin and muscular; toned and fit. Able to hike small mountains and swim more than two laps before drowning. 

But right now -- and truthfully, over the past two months -- my laziness is winning. 

Without realizing it (until today, hence this brutally honest post), I have allowed myself to gain back 9.5 of the 51 pounds I worked so hard to lose. That may not seem like much to you, but to me it's a slippery slope. This is exactly where I lost my mojo last time I tried to get down to my goal weight -- somewhere around the 6-month mark I lost all interest and gave up for two freaking years. And by then I'd gained all my hard earned progress back... and then some.

I refuse to let that happen this year. So instead of hanging up the gloves and giving in to temptation and laziness, I'm reassessing my goals. Instead of reaching for that glorious 135-pound Most Ultimate Goal Weight Ever golden landmark, I'm forgetting that number completely and setting my sights on 175 by the time I ring in 2013. 

Today I weight 192.5 lbs, which means I've got 17.5 lbs to lose over the next 24 weeks (1.37 lbs a week -- totally doable, right?) and anything more will be considered a super awesome bonus. 

I got this! =) 

Here's a progress pic: 

July 7, 2012
192#